Everyone experiences a time in their life where they go through something difficult or unpleasant. Sometimes others can identify when you are going through a difficult time other times you are able to mask your feelings and camouflage your situation. I’ve been through things where others could tell clearly something was wrong and sometimes I battle things with a smile on my face and ”normal” behavior.
I wrote ”Dear Depression” when I was in the midst of getting over a situation I was dealing with. I wrote it without necessarily feeling it, but I did, however, write it in faith. When I submitted it I immediately felt liberation! It was as if I could live happily ever after off that high forever. It would be easy to say the battle was over after I wrote a goodbye letter to depression, but that’s not so.
Unfortunately, not many people are open about their struggles, but the bible says clearly in 2Corinthians 12:9 that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness and we are to boast gladly in our weakness so that Christ’s power can work through us. The bible doesn’t say to hide your weakness from each other or to use your weaknesses against each other, but to boast that you are in need of God. God wants to show off in us, but we are too prideful of our situation that we stop God from getting the glory of turning our situations around. I refuse to continue to be that person. I want to be transparent and show people that it’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to feel down and out for a while without being ashamed or embarrassed like I was. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone.
I have been in my solitude moment for a little while now and just wanting to be alone or just wanting to sleep and having excessive headaches and feeling the lack of motivation and restlessness and fatigue and I hate it, but I can’t snap my fingers and make everything sunshine and flowers either. I know a lot of people don’t understand what it’s like. It’s not something you choose and its not something that just goes away because you want it to. It’s like spilling a glass of water and being upset about it for the whole week. Normally when something a little disappointing happens you get over it fairly quickly or don’t let it bother you that much, but with me its like I just shut down and I turn into a whole different person and I don’t want to speak or see anyone at all. I’m talking about for days I just don’t want to be bothered by anyone and I want to be left alone and sleep my life away.
This affects not only yourself but it affects your friends and the people around you. It’s hard when someone I love says ”Hey Bri what’s wrong, you haven’t been yourself lately.” and I don’t have an answer for them. How do I explain to other people that I go through this, but I’m gonna be okay? That if you just give me some time I’ll be Brianna again. Yes, I fall into this mood sometimes, but that’s not who I am. God always lifts me back up, His power is perfected in my weakness. I am able to write positive in the midst of feeling negative because my God is greater than my feelings. The awesome thing is that as humans our thoughts and feelings and emotions change, but God is constant so no matter what I’m going through or getting through in life I’m still able to worship God because He is the same one who was, who is and who is to come.
So if you find yourself going through what I am just know you aren’t alone. Know that you are stronger than you believe because it’s often the strongest people who feel the weakest. It’s okay to go through a rough patch, just don’t stay there. For those who don’t deal with depression then take this as a lesson because maybe someone you know battles with it and you can better understand that sometimes it’s not a ”what’s wrong” situation. Sometimes people just need a hug and silence or an ”I love you.” use my transparency how you want it, maybe this will inspire you to be open about your own struggles. You never know who needs to hear that they aren’t dealing with something alone.