There are days when I feel like I’m on top of the world, but then there are the days where I feel like the world is on top of me. Through the ups and the downs one thing remains, which is Gods steadfast love for me. When I’m on high, speaking life or down and out about to self destruct God will always be the source of my strength. There was a time where I was having a terrible day and I don’t remember all the details, but I remember desperately crying on my bedroom floor. I wasn’t sure if there was a God and If there was why He hated me so much and why He allowed me to go through everything I did. I was broken and angry and lost with no where to turn. So I laid there on my floor kicking and hitting myself and asking God ”why?” why did He hate me so much and why did He make me to just be miserable all the time and not allow me to kill myself? I wanted to die and I didn’t care, but if there was a God he made me an aunt. One thing I wanted more than to die was to make my little angels smile. I was angry because I wanted to commit suicide, but I couldn’t because I knew that would break their hearts. So all I could say to God was ”why?” Fast forward about seven years I find myself in another state visiting a church and this evangelist comes up to me in my bench and starts speaking to me as if He knew me and He brought up the time of me in my room and all I could do is cry. I knew that was God who was speaking and not man, I knew from that moment God was real. From then on there has been many hills and valleys I have gone through, but never alone. I know that God is with me and that He is for me. I know that even in my mistakes and short comings He never gives up on me because He’s created me for more. It’s God who has been my light in the darkness and He has personally reminded me that He is God and that He created me for Him. I learned that I’m not the product of my environment, but rather the product of steps ordained by God. I am certain that no matter how low I get, God will raise me higher. No matter what mountain I face if I have faith as small as a mustard seed I can tell the mountain to move and it will move. Above everything I know who I belong to and what He says I am.
If you find yourself questioning your purpose just put your hand on your heart and feel it beating and know that you are alive today because God saw fit for you to be. You are alive for a reason and even if you don’t know what that reason is yet embrace your journey. You never know who is watching you overcome and gaining hope that one day they can overcome too.