Two months engaged!

So, I’m ENGAGED! Skipping the stories and details, I’m getting married soon point blank period! This has been extremely exciting for me, but also extremely challenging for me as well.

Being transparent, because as much as I want to paint a picture perfect story it’s not always like that. Sometimes it’s kinda ugly. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I love him or that He loves me and that love conquers all things. Being in a serious, long term, “this is for life” kind of relationship is crazy for me because I was always the type of person who didn’t even wanna get married. I never cared nor dreamed of it when I was growing up . Now that it’s happening though, I’m so grateful and joyous and experiencing new emotions that I never thought I would feel.

Being in a new season is exciting, but also intimidating because I found that certain things from my passed or in my old season couldn’t come into the new season. Certain behavior and mind sets won’t work any more. It’s one thing to face an external battle, but an internal one is a whole different kind of struggle. Trying to decipher what stays and what has to die. What’s right and what’s not right for not just you, but another soul who is now gonna be effected by everything you do or say in your life.

I have this whole new mindset that I can’t just think about myself any more and what Brianna wants or what makes Brianna happy. Now it’s what’s best for both of us and what makes both of us happy. We tell kids all the time to compromise when they fight or argue about something, but it’s a skill that even adults struggle with.

Dealing with natural feelings like anger or sadness and trying to figure out how to express it in a healthy way or not taking things out on the other person just because they are their and it’s easy to do. Forgiveness… coming to grips that there will be things that each of us do that we will need to forgive or ask for forgiveness for. I’m so blessed and thank God that in my relationship we both have no problem apologizing to each Other. Even if it takes time we’ll end up apologizing and trying to move forward passed whatever it is that happened.

I’m learning things even about myself that I would have never noticed without being in a relationship with someone I truly love. I have learned that I am extremely territorial even though sometimes it can come off too strong. I still need to work on trusting people and that not everyone is out to hurt me. I learned that sometimes I act angry when in reality I’m just sad. Sometimes I can be very harsh even if it’s unintentional. I come off a lot as being a know it all when I don’t mean to. If I’m hurt a lot of times I would rather just hurt someone back for making me feel that way other than actually dealing with the situation. Traits that I have that I may need to unlearn or better control that I would have never realized if I was t in this relationship.

I have had to deal with a lot of internal struggles, as well as watching him face his. I can say that I have been truly happy about this new mile stone in our lives and every day I see God working in us. Things aren’t always gonna be perfect. We have to take it one day at a time or one moment at a time. We’re learning to forgive often and love unconditionally!

We’re extremely grateful to God for always being there, for seeing us through our imperfections and loving us anyways. We just want Jesus to be the center because without him we can’t do anything!

Only Human

One of the worst feelings in the world for me is knowing that I might just be setting myself up for failure. It’s one thing for God to lead you somewhere and another thing for the devil to attack, but it’s a whole different feeling when you think you are setting yourself up for pain, failure, heartbreak etc. What is it about our human nature that wants to do what we want to do? Why is it that I allow certain situations to rise and to open the door to a place where God didn’t call me to? It’s like I know the promise God has over my life, I know the abundant life He promised me and somehow I get satisfied with my own plans. I get to a place where I don’t really want the promise anymore I just want to make my own life as if I could plan it out better than God. It’s a sucky feeling when you grow comfortable and accustom to making your own decisions and ignoring the voice of God because then you start to forget what Gods voice sounds like. Now there’s so many other voices and I’m not sure I can’t decipher which one is God’s. Now I’m in this state where I can’t figure out what my mind thinks and what God says. I don’t know exactly where to go from here , but I do know the best thing is to silence the world for a moment, separate some time with God and pray for God to interrupt your plans, pray that the Holy Spirit invades you and guides you because one more wrong step could be harmful to your life, harmful to your heart, harmful to your soul. If this is you today, reflect on what moves you been making without God. Think of the plans and decisions that have been made out of your flesh and ask God for wisdom. He can turn things around for the good, we are never too far for Him to reach,  we are never too lost for Him to find and the bible says “if we knock the door will be opened.” Let us not have to learn the hard way, let us not continue in that pattern, but stop and really wait on that still small voice to direct us. Lord help ME to be still! Help me to just STOP trying to do it all on my own. I believe you’re able I believe your ways are higher, but faith without works is dead even if the work is simply being still and taking my hands off the situation

Know Your Worth

In life we experience so many situations that cause us to feel less than or not good enough or not smart enough, but never forget who you really are and who made you. You are a child of the king of kings and the lord of lords. “You are fearfully and wonderfully made” – PSALM 139:14. You have purpose in God and you can’t live your life in just any fashion. You may have a lot of plans for yourself, but God says He already knows the plans He set out for you and all though you may not like them in the moment they are good plans. God says For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – JEREMIAH 29:11 Admit it, some of your plans can be very destructive at times. You want what you want and can’t nobody tell you nothing. You get stubborn and think you know what’s best when really all you were thinking about is your flesh. God sees the whole picture that’s why sometimes He has to say “No” to your plans, he wants the very best for you and a lot of times you’re okay with settling for less. God may not want you to have that job because he has a better one lined up for you, God might have had to break that relationship because you deserve better, God might have had to show you who is who in your life because you can’t spend your valuable time with people who aren’t going any where. God wants you to grow into the best version of you. When you involve yourself with people without vision, people who are reckless, and people who don’t know your value you’re setting yourself up for failure, for destruction, and for disappointment. Surround yourself with those who know the calling over your life, who bring out the best version of you and those who can love you even at your worst. You’re worth more and you don’t need anyone speaking anything else contrary into your spirit. It’s time to shut the voices out and listen to the voice of The Lord again. You have been stagnant for too long, you have been held back for too long, and you have been distracted for too long. Break those habits, shake those feelings and dive into your calling. When you do things God asks of you it’s the most rewarding feeling ever. When you start to hear God throughout your day more than the voices of the world, it’s such a comforting feeling. You have Identity in God, He knows your name and He keeps a close eye over you and there is nothing He wouldn’t do to protect you. He sees people’s intentions before they show their true colors. He warns you before you decide to learn the hard way. You mean something, you’re cared about, you’re never alone and you’re fought for every day. While you chose to fight for people who want to drop you like a fly there is a God who’s fighting to keep you to himself. You’re precious and not just anyone can handle the anointing over your life. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 CORINTHIANS 6:14 Your heart is so big and you have so much love to give, but preserve it for those who are worthy. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.-PROVERBS 4:24 You have responsibilities because God trusted you to handle them, but when you let anyone in your heart you’re putting yourself at risk. The enemy hates you and he came to steel, kill and destroy everything God wants for you. Once you let the wrong person in your heart it’s like the dreams you used to have are no longer there any more, the passion inside seems to die, the responsibilities you need to handle suddenly seem not so important any more. When you get to that feeling of “I can’t anymore” just remember God still can. He is able. He’s able to life you up where you fell, to push you forward where you stopped to activate you, accelerate you and expand you. There is still a harvest with your name on it, don’t give up, don’t let the enemy speak lies over you and convince you that this time you really messed up and make you believe that you have no capacity left for God to fill. God needed you to be empty because there’s a shift happening, there’s a supernatural rain that’s falling and God’s perfect timing has hit your life. You may not feel it, but you have to have faith for this. God orchestrated everything up for this moment and you are about to walk right into your blessing, you are walking right into your breakthrough and you are growing. The pain you are experiencing is the growing that’s happening in your spirit, it’s the shrinking that’s happening with your flesh and it’s the letting go of your will for the will of God’s. When you stopped fighting for God, he stayed fighting for you. When people gave up on you God never did. God will continue to peruse you, to love you and to know you simply because you are worth it.

Hiding In Plain Sight

Have you ever dropped something right next to yourself, went crazy looking for and it ended up being in that place you thought you looked a thousand times? Have you had those times where you are looking for a pen or a specific item and it was in front of your face the whole time? It happens to me all the time at work and one day I must of said “It was hiding in plain sight!” about a dozen times. I caught myself as the words came out my mouth and thought about it spiritually. How many times in life is God hiding in plain sight? I can recall many times that I saw God in my situation after the situation already passed, but not while I was going through it. Sometimes we get so fed up with life that we actually ask God “Where are you?”. I can assure you that God is there, He is working in ways unseen, He is not worried, but has it all under control. He is omnipresent and knows the beginning from the end, He has the answer before you even have the question and He doesn’t want us to fear, but trust in Him that His power is made perfect in our weakness.

A few years ago before I became Christian or even believed in God, one of my uncles was in the hospital in NJ while I was at work in FL worried about him. On my lunch break that day I went outside to eat at a table like usual, but  this time as I was walking to the table a man approached me and handed me a little card with a bible verse on it and said to me  ” I’m sorry to bother you, but I feel the need to give this to you.” I thanked him, took the card and began to sit down. As I sat down and started to eat, I read the little card and I just paused and smiled as a peace came over me. I don’t remember which bible verse it was, but I do remember feeling like everything was going to be okay. At the time I didn’t see it, but now looking back I knew that was God hiding in plain sight, I didn’t know of Him, but He knew me.

There was another moment in time while being a Christian women where I was going to make a bad decision and all of a sudden my friends started messaging me to go out with them. I’m talking about on days that we don’t even hang out and friends that almost never hit me up to go out. I was too focused on going out with people I shouldn’t be with in places God didn’t call me to be. I can share because I’ve learned from my actions and don’t want others to make the same bad decisions I did. I ended up going out and it was one of the worst decisions that I felt so horrible for in the end. That one act ended up being such a down fall in my life that I still wish to this day I never went, but I know I can’t go back. just forward to not make the same mistakes, and continue looking for God in the midst of every situation. Now I see that God was there before I even fell into the temptation. Just as the bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:13  “God will never allow us to be tempted more than we can stand and with every temptation He provides a way of escape.” My friends that day were my escape, but I chose to ignore them. How many times have we got ourselves in a mess when God had other options for us? Sometimes we expect God to come down from heaven in all his glory to grasp our attention, but God is often working in the simplicity of our lives. He is there hiding in plain sight for us,  waiting for us to notice Him.

I know all of our situations and experiences may vary, but God is there in the midst of it all. The enemy is constantly coming to us to try and bring confusion and distraction into our lives to throw us off course from Gods path. He knows that he doesn’t even have to really attack us as long as he can distract us. If he can distract us then he knows our eyes will no longer be looking at God and we will miss every direction God is telling us to go and fall right into the trap he wants us to. Satan is a master deceiver, a liar and loves to bring confusion to our lives. I think it’s said best in 1 Peter 5:8-9 ” Be alert and sober minded. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” We can all relate as Christians being targeted by the enemy. We have to stand strong and remember God fights our battles as it is written in so many verses of the bible. Don’t lose hope when everything around you seems like it’s falling apart, God sees the greater picture and it’s His master piece. Sometimes God just wants us to seek Him more, I leave you with my favorite bible verses.

Jeremiah 29:11- 14 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and comes and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you.

Spiritual Abortions

Many of you know what an abortion is, but in case you don’t know, it’s the ending of pregnancy due to the removing of an embryo or fetus before it can survive outside the uterus. An abortion that occurs spontaneously is know as a miscarriage, but when steps are deliberately taken to end a pregnancy it is considered an induced abortion. I promise I’m going somewhere with this information. A few weeks ago God brought to remembrance someone that I know that got an abortion. I was at work at my desk and all of a sudden I started thinking of this person and the fact that she terminated a pregnancy. I thought how sad it was, but before I started dwelling on it in my carnality I asked God “Why am I even thinking of this right now?” Nothing provoked the thought and it seemed pretty random to me. Immediately I started to connect in my head what God was saying to me and realized it wasn’t random at all.

How many times have we aborted the plans God has for us? Why is it that we at times look at the blessing God is trying to give us as a burden? The baby represents the blessings of God, the embryo and fetus represents the promises of God spoken over us and spiritual development in our lives. Everyone’s “baby” might look different. Your baby might be the business God is calling you to start, for another it may be pastorship, leadership, ministry and the list goes on. I know what it’s like for God to speak into your life and give you a specific word or direction and choose to do your own will instead. I know what it is to ignore the voice of God and make believe that He never spoke to me. I know how it feels to not want the calling over your life. I can relate to the pain of the process which comes before a blessing. I have been there and might still be there. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m on a pursuit to unveil the very things and issues nobody likes to talk about or tries so hard to hide. I am not afraid to admit I’m human and sometimes my flesh is stronger than my spirit. Sometimes I choose to feed my flesh more than I do my spirit and get to this point where I don’t want the calling over my life. It all just seems not worth it sometimes.

I know I’m not alone in this or else God wouldn’t be nudging me to talk about it. Yes, Gods plans will prevail and at the end of the day if God wants you somewhere He will  make sure you get there, but there are blessings that we abort. For instance one of my many choices to not go forward with Gods blessing over my life is giving up on a particular position in church that once upon a time I might have wanted.  I didn’t want to be responsible the way it called me to be. I didn’t want anyone else relying on me because I didn’t want to be reliable. I felt and feel incapable, just as some people feel when they make that decision to abort their pregnancy. It’s deeper than just what it seems. Sometimes it’s an emotional or psychological battle, but ultimately there is a spiritual battle happening. The devil doesn’t want to see your blessing manifest because whatever it may be, if it’s from God than it’s a threat to him. We miss out on opportunities and experiences when we dodge Gods plans. Things we will never even know just because of our disobedience to Him. Sometimes its fear that drives us on giving up or laziness, but we must remember that it’s worth all the headache and trials in the end. The discomfort, the pain is all worth it in the end.

You can ask any mother if all the pain and waiting was worth what they received in the end. I can guarantee you that their answer is yes. If you ask any Pastor that’s being lead by God if all they go through is worth it in the end, they will tell you “yes”. Ask Peter or Paul if what they had to go through to give birth to their blessing was worth it and after all they endured I’m sure the answer is “yes”. Analyze our greatest example, Jesus and ask yourself could He have given up and settled for what the devil was offering Him? Could He have said “These people really aren’t worth dying for, so I give up.” He knew what God had instore was greater. The blessing was worth the pain He endured, the isolation He felt, the criticism He received, the envy, the hatred, the fake friends, all of it. He saved a dying world that was destined for hell through His obedience to God. Where would we be without Him? Where will someone be without you? If God is calling you for something it’s because it’s greater than you. The Apostle Paul wasn’t just called for salvation, he was called to be a vessel and a blessing just as you and I.

So I urge you to strongly consider this before you decide to give up on something. It’s not all about you. There is more to the process than you just receiving. Analyze Mary who had to give birth to the Messiah. I take this for myself first. I only pour out what I have first been filled with. It is by the grace of God that we are all here, and if we are still here then it’s for a purpose. Lets not grow weary in doing good and serving God. Lets not abort the blessings that’s God has in store for us. Lets hold onto the promises of God and fight for the manifestation of them. It’s normal to want to give up, but we can’t. Ask God to connect you to those people that will help you to deliver your blessing.

I pray that this will remind you and awaken your spiritual eyes. I pray that you keep striving to do the will of God and give birth to the blessings promised over your life.


I haven’t wrote much lately so this is probably going to be messy, but here I am, mess and all. My thoughts have been everywhere lately and although I have so much to say, I have just been too lazy. So tonight I have decided to start being transparent again and not keeping everything bottled in. So I was inspired by the song “Free” by Kierra Sheard to write “Delivered”. To talk about my being delivered from depression experience.

I have always had my coming in and out of depression seasons. Some have been longer than others, but I always knew that it was going to come back. I embraced the happy and feeling like I was on top of the world moments and dreaded the feeling like dying ones. It was almost as if being christian made it a thousand times worse to deal with. “But God sets us free, how could you even say that!” easy, because now as a christian with the knowledge that I have and the calling over my life the devil attacks harder than before. As a non christian And non believer I was just being a puppet to the enemy, but now that I know that God has plans and a purpose for me like He said in JEREMIAH 29:11 the enemy try’s ever harder to convince me otherwise and to destroy me because I’m actually a threat now. The enemy is truly after my mind and I am at constant war with believing what the enemy says and remembering who God says I am, but I know who has the victory. So sometime in August in youth service we had an awesome preacher of the house bring the word and as he was speaking I was thinking “wow this is for me”. Little did I know a little bit later in the preaching he calls my name to come sit at a little table he set up for the preaching and I was in shock and froze for a second, but a couple seconds later I was able to make my way out the bench and as I walked to the chair I started to cry. “God, he doesn’t even know me or anything about me, I know this is you!” As I sat down I just couldn’t contain myself and how great God is and how much He truly loves us and pays attention to us and how He is all knowing and all powerful. So the preacher continued with his message and every word spoken penetrated my heart and my mind and then He called the First Lady of our church to come help him pray for me. Immediately she came and placed her hands on my mind and then he began to pray aloud. He was rebuking and declaring and brought up things that actually happened that I never told anyone about. I didn’t feel different immediately after, but I was in awe of God and just thanked Him for what He was doing in me. It wasn’t until recently that I was thinking “wow I haven’t felt like that in a while!” I have been falling asleep with no problems and being able to wake up without wishing I didn’t or wanting to cry. I have had such a peace in my mind that I’ve never had before. I believe that from that day forward that spirit will never torment me again. I give God glory all the time because I know He loves me enough to deliver me from the darkness. I am not perfect and I still go through other battles but that was one huge battle that I can say has been conquered once and for all. I just want to encourage you if you’re reading this and you are suffering from depression, anxiety or panic attacks, don’t keep it to yourself. As much of a bother the enemy tries to make you feel at times there are people who want to help. There are people who will pray for you and with you. There is a God who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we could ever ask or imagine. God called us to be healed, set free, and delivered. Sometimes it takes a season of darkness to help us appreciate the light! Where ever you are in life whether it’s in your valley or your mountain top, God is there! His peace is able to fill you no matter the circumstances. I know this because I’ve experienced His love and His peace and there is nothing and nobody like Him! So Tonight I pray deliverance over you no matter what the battle is, and I pray Gods peace that surpasses all understanding over your life and situation, in Jesus name! Amen! I pray this testimony was a blessing .

Matthew 16:26

In the book of Matthew it says “And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?”.

There have been many occasions where I hear this verse being read or preached and I comprehend it and I believe it. However, it’s a whole different feeling when I found myself wanting everything else and putting God on the back burner, then the Holy Spirit reminding me of this verse and bringing conviction inside me. It’s so easy in this busy world filled with clutter and chaos to forget to fit Jesus in our schedule . Sometimes we may feel like there’s no time for church, there’s no time to pray, and there’s no time to be Gods hands and feet because there’s just so much other things we have to do. So easily we forget that God says “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” -Matthew 6:33. So we find ourselves stressing over things we shouldn’t be stressed over and next thing we we’re at the point where we feel so low that we have no choice, but to call on God. It’s funny how when I’m doing good I forget how much I still really need God. I think I have things figured out and that my life is in control and my plans are perfect, knowing that God has told me in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” So why do I still insist that I run my own life knowing that His ways aren’t my ways and I am not all knowing and all powerful the way He is. It’s important to remind ourselves every day that our lives aren’t our own and we must live every day in complete surrender to Him. We have to trust God with everything. Trust God that He is making a way where there seems to be no way. We have to remember that we can’t do it without Him. Sometimes God has to shut doors so we don’t stray away from Him. Sometimes God has to tell us “no” to protect us even if we don’t see it at the moment. He is our shepherd, we are His sheep and we have to trust that He’s going to protect us and take care of us. God is sovereign and He knows what’s best for us. It’s a great feeling to be reminded that I don’t have to figure life out all by myself, but that if I seek God above all things, whatever I need will be added to me. Seeking after vanity is a quick way to lose your joy and your peace because those things are only temporary and can only satisfy you for a moment, but God is everlasting and omnipresent. When you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart. In all things as a Christian it’s imperative to pray. I believe God honors those who present choices and situations to Him because we are acknowledging that He is Lord of our lives and it’s not all about what we think is right for us at the moment. We are showing Him we trust Him and want to obey Him. So today I encourage you, just as I had to encourage myself that “your life is predestined by an all mighty God who knows the beginning from the end and wants to prosper you.” If that doesn’t give you some sort of relief then I don’t know what will. Remember God says “But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” -Matthew 23:12

I close with this prayer for you who’s reading and even myself.

“Father God, I come before you humbly to declare you are bigger! You are bigger than my circumstances, you are bigger than what I see with my physical eyes, you are greater than I can describe with even my best vocabulary. I thank you for your grace and mercy over my life. I thank you for the perfect sacrifice that was paid for my sins, I am forever in debt to you. I surrender to you my life and ask you to take full control. I know your ways are greater than my own and I ask you to forgive me for my selfish ways. I ask that you renew my heart and my mind and help me to trust you fully. I ask you to guide my path and protect me from any schemes of the devil. I ask that you give me the wisdom and knowledge I need to do your will. Give me a hunger for your word and a heart for your people and help me to seek you above all else. I thank you for your love and forgiveness. I ask you to have your way in me and through me, in Jesus name I pray, Amen!”

What’s Your Lion?

Earlier this week I was reading the book of Daniel and the portion where Daniel is thrown into the lions den and is found the next morning alive jumped out at me. The king was astounded by what the God Daniel served had done on his behalf. That’s when I thought, “what’s your lion?” I began to reflect on my own life and think about what God has delivered me from that leave people wondering “how did she get out of that?” I thought about my own lions and thought about the God I serve. If He did it for Daniel, He can do it for me too, right? What’s the lion roaring at you and trying to put fear in your heart? What’s the lion trying to devour you? What’s the lion that looks too big to conquer? I don’t know about you, but the same God that delivered Daniel delivered me too. Sometimes God allows lions to rise up in our lives not to hurt us, but to show others He’s our deliverer. Sometimes it’s really not about us, but about the ones around us. After all, we are ambassadors of Christ. God also warns us of these lions. 1 Peter 5:8 says “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” So again I ask, what’s roaring at you? Think about it and confront it. Be like Daniel and trust in God and face the very thing that was made to destroy you. It’s not easy, but with God all things are possible. Maybe addiction is your lion or maybe divorce is roaring at you and threatening your marriage. God is able to work miracles in your marriage and use that to show others that their marriage can be restored too. Maybe you’re like me and depression and anxiety is roaring at you and you think that you’re done for. Maybe your convinced that this time you’re going to be devoured, that this time you’re going to lose your mind and that you would be better off dead, but the Devil is a liar. This is where God delivers you in front of the people that left you for dead. This is where God sends His angels to fight on your behalf and shut the mouths of the lions once and for all. This is the part where God shows off and proves Himself in your life. There is hope even if you’re in a dark place surrounded by things designed to steal your joy, kill your faith and destroy your purpose. In that uncomfortable place you can find comfort in God because He is there. In that sad situation, you can find joy because God’s presence is with you and in His presence there is fullness of joy. I can’t leave out that fact that Daniel had a relationship with God. Daniel was someone who prayed and fasted, he was righteous and wise. We can learn a lot from Daniel. His name literally means “God is my judge”. In this life where it seems like everyone around you wants to have an opinion on your life and decisions it’s good to remember that God is your judge, not people. Gods word is the final word. I desire that kind of relationship with God. I want my hunger for God to be greater than my hunger for food. I don’t want the people in my life to see my problem, but to see Gods promise. We need to all understand and learn that being a blessed man or woman of God doesn’t exempt us from problems. It doesn’t give us a get out of jail free card. It gives us peace knowing that this too shall pass. That the same God who did it before can do it again. Daniel was a blessed and gifted man whom God used and yet he had to endure a lot. It’s no different for us. We are going to face lions in life, we will have a lot of things roaring at us, but it cannot touch us. We are covered by the blood of Jesus and no weapon formed against us shall prosper. Finally, brothers and sisters I leave you with this promise from God, Matthew 24:13 but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Can’t stop, won’t stop

It’s amazing how God relentlessly pursues us. I am quite aware of how undeserving I am of Gods love and mercy over my life. I know that I couldn’t earn Gods grace with even my best of works. Ephesians 2:8 says it best “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” When I take time to think about all that God has done in my life, it still amazes me how faithful He is, even when I’m not. Who God is isn’t based off how I behave. I can be a mess and God will still be on His throne in holiness. I can make bad choices and God will still continue to turn them all around for His purpose. Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” It’s NOT fair. God’s Love for us isn’t fair, because if it was then we would all be in Hell. All of us, even those who think they are some upstanding citizen that does everything right and doesn’t make mistakes. God says in Romans 3:10 “There is no one righteous, not even one.” It’s easy to fall into the lies of the enemy that say “your not good enough.” or “You make too many mistakes.” The truth is that we all make mistakes and none of us are good enough to do His will, but He delights in making something out of nothing. If God has a purpose for your life it’s going to be fulfilled. Just like He changed Saul’s name to Paul, from murderer to apostle. He can change your name too. The devil likes to call us by our sin, but God calls us by our true identity in Him. Every day I struggle to believe I am who God calls me because every day I fall short of His glory. I’m trying to put on my eyes of faith and look into the mirror and see the warrior that God called me to be and not the shy, passive person staring back at me. I’m trying to see the prayer warrior who when she opens her mouth and says Jesus, demons flee and chains break and not the girl who is too tired to pray or too lazy to pray. I’ve came to a place in my life where God is making me uncomfortable with where I am. He doesn’t want me satisfied with where I am because He still has more for me. I’m desperate for Gods presence, for His word, for His glory because that’s where He wants me to dwell. If you are in a place of being unsatisfied today then God is calling you deeper into His word. God is calling you to sacrifice more time. God is calling you to start being an obedient vessel. It doesn’t matter what it looks like or sounds like to people around you. Isaiah 43:19 “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” It doesn’t matter if people don’t listen to you or believe what you say, they didn’t believe Jesus either so how much more do you expect people to hear what you have to say. Trust in the Lord because when others see what God is doing in your life they will follow your lead and want what you have. There is a spiritual war going on and the devil wants us to believe we are defeated and there is no hope, but God’s word says in Deuteronomy 20:4 “For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” So shake off the feeling of defeat and fight the good fight. If I can do it so can the next person because it isn’t with our own strength, but with the strength of our God. No matter how badly I want to quit at times God always ignites a passion inside me to press forward. He reminds me of His plans and purpose. He sees the depths of our hearts and knows our innermost thoughts. He pays attention to every little detail of our lives and protects us everywhere we go. It’s a comforting feeling knowing that the God who created heaven and earth also created me and cares for me. I can never give up on God because He will never give up on me.

-Brianna Unveiled

One of those days

Today has been one of those days where I have to force myself out of bed. It was 12pm when I finally parted with my pillow and decided I would get dressed and go out to do something today. Everything in me wanted to sleep my day away. I ended up going to the movies and had a lot of sugar which usually makes me pretty happy. Not the healthiest ways to get happy, but it works for me. I literally had sugar all day, which is pretty bad the more I think about it and realizing I didn’t bother having any sort of real food or meal today. Anyways, I went out to the movies then after I went to Hoboken piers with my spiritual Mom and Dad and one of my good friends. I got to breathe in fresh air, eat ice cream and look at how beautiful the view is there. I love spending time with them, their presence just puts joy in my heart. I get home around 10:00pm and shower and just start to relax and get ready for work in the morning. My mind doesn’t sleep though it’s like I’m ready for bed, but instead I’m awake thinking about stuff that happened when I was ten years old and from there it’s just a journey of memories that usually put me in a bad or melancholic mood. Now it’s 12:30am and I wish I was asleep, but I can’t fall asleep or get my brain to think about positive thoughts. It’s a nightmare that I’m literally awake for and I’m not quite sure how else to explain it. I want to feel happy, but no matter what I do it’s like happiness only visits. It always escapes before I grab tight enough to it. As a Christian I’m supposed to say “the joy of the Lord dwells inside me all the time” or something like that, but I can’t sit here and act like everyday isn’t a struggle. It’s hard to keep Joy when there are so many things working against that Joy I’m supposed to have. I can’t be the only one who has this problem and I won’t be one of those who pretend that they don’t struggle. I’m human and I struggle and I want to throw in the towel at times, but in the midst of feeling the way I do at this very moment I know God has purpose for it all and that Joy comes in the morning. I know I can’t always change my feeling or battle at the very moment, but I can learn and grow through it all. I choose to fight. Not to lay paralyzed with tears flooding my eyes, like the passed. I simply write, even if I delete it the next morning. This is how I deal with my jumble of thoughts. It doesn’t always make too much sense, but this is my release, my personal therapy, my medicine. I’m just choosing to share it with the world.