So, I’m ENGAGED! Skipping the stories and details, I’m getting married soon point blank period! This has been extremely exciting for me, but also extremely challenging for me as well.
Being transparent, because as much as I want to paint a picture perfect story it’s not always like that. Sometimes it’s kinda ugly. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I love him or that He loves me and that love conquers all things. Being in a serious, long term, “this is for life” kind of relationship is crazy for me because I was always the type of person who didn’t even wanna get married. I never cared nor dreamed of it when I was growing up . Now that it’s happening though, I’m so grateful and joyous and experiencing new emotions that I never thought I would feel.
Being in a new season is exciting, but also intimidating because I found that certain things from my passed or in my old season couldn’t come into the new season. Certain behavior and mind sets won’t work any more. It’s one thing to face an external battle, but an internal one is a whole different kind of struggle. Trying to decipher what stays and what has to die. What’s right and what’s not right for not just you, but another soul who is now gonna be effected by everything you do or say in your life.
I have this whole new mindset that I can’t just think about myself any more and what Brianna wants or what makes Brianna happy. Now it’s what’s best for both of us and what makes both of us happy. We tell kids all the time to compromise when they fight or argue about something, but it’s a skill that even adults struggle with.
Dealing with natural feelings like anger or sadness and trying to figure out how to express it in a healthy way or not taking things out on the other person just because they are their and it’s easy to do. Forgiveness… coming to grips that there will be things that each of us do that we will need to forgive or ask for forgiveness for. I’m so blessed and thank God that in my relationship we both have no problem apologizing to each Other. Even if it takes time we’ll end up apologizing and trying to move forward passed whatever it is that happened.
I’m learning things even about myself that I would have never noticed without being in a relationship with someone I truly love. I have learned that I am extremely territorial even though sometimes it can come off too strong. I still need to work on trusting people and that not everyone is out to hurt me. I learned that sometimes I act angry when in reality I’m just sad. Sometimes I can be very harsh even if it’s unintentional. I come off a lot as being a know it all when I don’t mean to. If I’m hurt a lot of times I would rather just hurt someone back for making me feel that way other than actually dealing with the situation. Traits that I have that I may need to unlearn or better control that I would have never realized if I was t in this relationship.
I have had to deal with a lot of internal struggles, as well as watching him face his. I can say that I have been truly happy about this new mile stone in our lives and every day I see God working in us. Things aren’t always gonna be perfect. We have to take it one day at a time or one moment at a time. We’re learning to forgive often and love unconditionally!
We’re extremely grateful to God for always being there, for seeing us through our imperfections and loving us anyways. We just want Jesus to be the center because without him we can’t do anything!